a dose of fear

just recently i had my first real dose of fear with lucky. ever since she can to live with us, i have worried about her. this is a 24/7 thing with me. to me she is my child and there is nothing i would not do for her. 

lucky has her own little space in the house. some people call it a crate, some a cage, for us it's her room. ace calls it her little house. when she first came to live with us, she was crate trained. over the years, we have kept the cage but let her come and go as she pleases. lucky knows that is her personal space where she can go and sleep, put her toys in, and just hang out in there when she wants away from the human world. 

in the last few months i had noticed that lucky had been urinating in her room. at first i thought it was because of changes our household had, or because we had left her for a week, or that we had thrown her off her schedule by being late coming home. 

i called the vet who also agreed with me and said to keep an eye on the frequency she was urinating in her room. after a while it stopped and lucky was acting like herself. still lovable, playing, eating everything she could, and of course never stopped stalking her boyfriend bo next door.

one day last month, she was laying next to me and i was stroking her as always and i noticed a small lump on her left side. i freaked!!! oh come on, if it was your baby you would too. hell, if it was a lump on you, you would freak out all the same.

i told ace who did not seemed concerned nor could he feel it. note to self here: do not mention this to a husband who is also half asleep.

i called the doctor, who is now on a first name basis with me, and asked what it could be. i know simple thing would be to just make an appointment but given my fear and mistrust of all doctors, i did not want to put lucky through any needless office visits if i could help it. don't get me wrong, she is not the kind of dog who dislikes going to the vet. she loves going. she thinks it's some kind of treat to go in the car and see the vet. this is the girl who walks in on all fours and goes straight behind the desk to say hello to everyone and then to every other person and dog. little miss meet and greet.

the vet, dr. k, was so nice about the call and said that it could be a lot of things. mostly in lucky's type of breed and age group they form fatty tissue and this is probably what it is.

well one of the nurses who is also related to a co-worker of mine, offered to stop by on her way home and check the lump out for me. lucky for me (no pun intended) she lives a few miles away. while since i am at work, and i do know this woman, i said sure go ahead.

well, after she played with lucky, took her out, gave her a treat, she called me on my cell and said it is a fatty tissue lump and not to worry. one worry down, a another one to go.

soon after this, we would come home from work and the house would stink of urine. we would find that lucky urinated in her room on her blankets, on the carpet in various places and any other place she could find. now i have always known she has had a small bladder since birth,she will urinate when she got too excited,  and that her former family never really walked her, they would make her go in their house cause they were ass bags and could not be bothered. after she came to us, that would hardly happen. we re-trained her and all was well. now this was becoming a daily habit. and one i was not enjoying here.

i was the one who would do the cleaning up, the blanket washing and the gagging. ace would have helped, but the o.c.d in me had to do it.

at first we thought thumper (another story for another time) who lives in the extra bedroom upstairs was not taking her out. my wonderful neighbor, shawnda, would tell me when he was home or not and if she saw lucky out by the fence. remember lucky likes to stalk bo so she feels it's her right to go straight to the fence. she would also come over and take lucky out just because she wanted to. got to love that woman!!!!!

anyway, after a week of this i decided to do a little internet surfing on the subject of bladder control and urinary tract infections in dogs. i also called my sister who is the queen of doggie bladder infections since her dog lucy, has one every other month.

my sister told me the signs to look for and lucky had none of them. so i went surfing on the internet for bladder control and i found the information i needed.

lucky had the signs of bladder control loss and i found a site that had "natural" meds to help control this. i would have whipped out the credit card right there and spent the $50.00 plus shipping and handling for her but i wanted a second opinion. so i called ace to come downstairs and look. he agreed that this could be a problem, but to call the vet and make sure it was safe. thank goodness i asked. he did have a point, could this be the problem, would this be safe? i had no idea. and like any mother i did not want to give her something that would make her ill.

the o.c.d in me had to know and i needed to know now!!!! so first thing in the morning, i went to straight to the vet's on the way to run some errands. yes i could have just called, but i wanted a face to face discussion here. i got to the office and i explained to the nice nurse what the problem was. she was such a sweetheart!! she listened, asked questions, wrote everything down and said that dr.k was with other dogs and would call me when she is done. i was ok with that. i know she would call a.s.a.p she always does and she did. no sooner did i get to wall mart when my cell rang. she said it does sound like a control problem but being the over protective one she is, she wanted to see lucky first and do a urine test to rule out infection. i have to admit i started to shake and the panic attack set in. infection?? lucky has always been healthy so this was freaking me out. i said ok how soon can we schedule and the soonest i could get was the following saturday.

for the week, i freaked on and off. panic attacks were coming in fast and the worst part was i could feel lucky's pain and embarassment about this. you can tell she was not happy and i could see those little sweet brown eyes tear up when i had to clean after her.

and anyone reading, if and when you meet lucky, please do not mention this to her.

finally saturday comes and i timed this so she would give up the pee at the office. like a good girl she happily gave it up.

dr. k comes in and we go over everything. i am shooting off questions so fast i would have smacked me if i was the doctor. she was so nice about everything. she played with lucky, felt her body, double checked the lump (still fatty tissue) and decided a blood test would be a good idea just to rule out everything.

ok i will admit this, i turned green when she said the word blood. the very idea, while writing this, makes me sick. i can not deal with my own blood. i get green when i have to do my own blood test every 6 months. dr. k, bless her heart, noticed this and said she would take lucky in the other room. since i promised lucky a spa day if she was a good girl, they did her mani/pedi and a bath while we waited for the pee test.

off she went and off went the panic attack in full force. now smart thing would be to calm down, maybe text ace, take a xanx or two. right?? yeah, no, i could not think straight enough for that. i just held it together praying that lucky is ok.

lucky walks back in the room, all happy and pretty like nothing is wrong. dr. k tells me that the urine test is negitive for bladder infection. ok good, now what???

well i hear the dreaded words "we wait until the blood test come back". wait?? i do not wait. i don't wait well. i need to know and i want to know now. since the doctor has been so nice, i do not have the heart to scream those words at her. i do ask when. monday.

monday?? that's 2 days away!!! well, i have no choice so i wait. i go pay the bill and have sticker shock. $170 for pee and blood??? omg!!! i don't cost that much!!! wait, i have insurance that takes care of that one. note to self: find pet insurance!!!

thankfully my credit card goes through and off we go. i get back in the car a loose it. i am crying and crying hard. lucky looks at me as if i am nuts ( i am and admit to it) and rest her little head on my lap.

so for the next 2 days i wait as best i can. i keep it together and pray.

ok hello monday, vet opens at 8am and here i am thinking " i will give her until 10 and i call". prayers more than answered her because good old dr. k calls at 9:30 with good news.

lucky's blood is fine. there is nothing wrong with her but yes she is at the begining of bladder control. she is almost 8 (january 27th for anyone who wants to wish her happy birthday) 54 in dog years, yes i checked, and have been fixed. this will happen. so now lucky has to take a 1/2 of a pill every 12 hours and for the rest of her life. something i can live with. what is surprising is that all i have to say is "lucky have a treat, want a treat?" and she takes that pill with out a fight. and of course wants more. she sees that blue bottle and thinks this is great.

it's been almost a week now and she is doing better. we have come home and no accidents, no smell, nothing to clean and she looks and seems happier.

i know this is the begining of things to come. dogs are not people and where i will do anything for her to keep her with me, i know a time will come.

do i panic over this? hell yes! i loose sleep and have many panic attacks over this. i love my puppy. and as you can see in the picture above, a spoiled rotten puppy lives here. and i am proud of this!!!!

snoozer girl after her check up and spa day.