october 10, 2004

this date was not the greatest day of my life. it was the saddest. it was on this day 5 years ago that my dad died.
i feel that today i should write something is his memory.
the day he died was very strange, as if we all knew something was going to happen.
my mom had gone to the rehab facility to be with dad, i was home getting ready, my sister was also home and my so was my aunt. the 3 of us took our time getting ready to go.
i remember that the night before we had all finally agreed that dad was never going to come out of his coma and that we needed to face the fact that vital organs were starting to slow down. it was now a matter of time.
that afternoon i said to paul before i left that i didn't want to go and i didn't want dad to go to hospice. logical paul, had replied that maybe i should stay home. i said no i had to go and off i went. he offered to come with me but i said no that this was something i needed to do alone.
on my way there my cell phone was ringing off the hook. first mom wondering where i was, my sister telling me she was on the way and my aunt asking if i was there and if dad had been moved. this was all in a span of 10 minutes. my sister and i arrived with in a few minutes of each other. mom asked where we had been. i had said i didn't want to come so i took my time, my sister said since my brother in law was in florida on business she decided to make a quick stop at crate and barrell. this is how much we wanted to put this off.
i remember my sister asking me if i had heard from our father's sister. i said yes she said she was on the way. in my aunt's time that could mean any second or 2 hours. she ran on her own time. the doctor came in and examined dad and said his blood pressure had dropped and the ambulance was here to move dad to hospice. we said our goodbyes to dad and said we loved him and to be good in the ambulance.
we then started the caravan to the hospice center. the ambulance, mom, me and my sister bringing up the rear.
while i was following mom, i did my normal flip the radio stations. i write this because the oddest thing happen while i did that. it seemed like every station was playing tim mc graw's song "live like you were dying". i first heard the song the day dad went into the hospital and every single time i was on my way to visit. now i was hearing it multiple times in a short drive. i had come to think of it as dad's song because it was so much like him.
in between songs, my cell rang and it was my aunt asking me where we all were. i assumed she had left and got the message to go straight to the hospice center, but no she was still home and hadn't check her messages or her cell. i told her where we were and she said she was leaving right now and would be there in 10 minutes. another 10.
we got to the hospice center and we were escorted up to the waiting room next to what would be dad's room. it was now 5pm.
we had just sat down when i looked up and saw dad on the gurney right outside. i swear for the first time he looked at all of us and knew who we were and where. i nudged my sister who nudged mom and we all said hi to dad. we told him we loved him and that to be nice to the nurses when the moved him into bed. then he was wheeled away. that was the last time we saw him alive.
10 minutes passed and i voiced how long it was taking. then a nurse came in, looking like she had saw a ghost, and asked for dad's family. we asked how he was and the nurse blurted out that he was dead. she didn't mean to say it like that or to be cruel. she was just freaked out how quickly he passed away. she told us he was gone. i, in my normal sarcastic way, said she was kidding, that we just saw him and he was alive.
this poor woman looked like she was going to pass out. she started to tell us that they had gotten him into the bed and she had started to check vitals, which were ok, and had turned her back, just for a second and all of a sudden the room was strangely quite. she turned and looked at my dad and he was gone and already turning the color of death. she had never seen anything like that before. my sister looked like "yeah whatever" my mom looked like she didn't hear what was said and me, well i believe in the strange and un-natural.
we went into his room and he was already cold and stiff as if he had been gone for hours.
we cried, we held him and we were sad.
while we were waiting for shalom to come and get dad, i looked at my sister and said that our aunt was in the building and someone should go talk to her before a nurse tells her.
my sister looked at me like if i was hearing things or something but said she would go and for me to stay with mom.
i will never forget the blood chilling scream my aunt let out as she saw my sister's face. i don't think my sister ever uttered a word at that moment. my aunt walked in and as much as i wanted to say "where in hell have you been?" i couldn't. she walked towards her brother and did something i never thought i would see, she kissed him on the cheek and said she loved him and was sorry. then my uncle walked over and did the same.
we sat there all together as if we were waiting for dad to wake and say "just kidding" but that wasn't going to happen. instead we sat and started to plan his funeral and who would call who. my aunt asked about what time he had died and i said about 10 after 5. another 10.
we were discussing dates, and realized we had to wait until wednesday because my brother in law could not get a flight out until the morning to come home, my aunt and uncle in florida had to make arrangements for my grandmother's care, a flight and a place to stay.
my aunt asked what the date would be and then what was today's date, and i said it was the 10th. her eyes went wide and she said next month grandma rose (dad's mom, her mom) would be gone a year.
we realized then a few things, dad died because he missed grandma, it was exactly 11 months, exactly 2 months after his birthday, it will then set off a pattern of the family passing away on the 10th, and it will be a day we will forever dread and mourn.