growing up all i ever wanted was a dog. we could not have one because my dad was a bit scared of them. we had fish instead. they were great, but face it, fish only live for so long. we lived in an apartment when i was little and when we moved to the burbs, we had a condo. still no dog.
i begged, pleaded, anything you could think of to have a dog. the dog never came.
when i moved out i was free to get a dog when ever i want. however, living in an apartment that was not pet friendly and working long hours, killed the idea.
when my sister was dating her husband he had a dog, lucy. she is a beautiful black lab and i suddenly had a "doggie niece". that still did not help the fact i still wanted one of my own.
one day my apartment complex decided to become pet friendly and allow dogs. i began a search to find one. i knew what i wanted too. a small loving dog who was not a big barker.
ace and i had just started living together and decided we wanted a dog. he knew a friend of a friend who had to give her dog up. it seemed that this girl was moving and could not take her dog with and was planning on dumping her dog at the shelter. when we heard this we freaked and i told ace find out what kind of dog and then go get it. lucky came home.
lucky was a year and a half and the cutest little pup i ever saw. i fell in love. what ace and i did not know was that she was also an abused puppy. something said friend did not tell us.
they must have hit her with pillows, belts, new papers, what ever they could find because this little girl was scared of everything. yelling would send her into shakes of terror.
we noticed right away that she seemed a bit slow. ace called this friend to find out why. as it turned out lucky was hit by a car when she was 6 months old and was in a cast for a long time. her rear left leg was broken and had a mental rod put in. she lost a lot of time being in the hospital and the puppy time she should have had, got lost.
lucky was not a happy pup at first. it took a while for her to warm up to us. she did know some tricks. she could shake paws with you, do smooth, a high five and play dead.
her first night with us she was so scared that we took turns holding her and telling her how much she was loved. her previous family kept her caged, and she was ok with that.
she did bark when we would leave her. it broke my heart.
the first time we left her alone was monday july 14th, 2003. we had gone on a friends boat and figured we would let her roam free. she was fed before we left and did her business. we left her out of her "room" or "little house", as we called it, because we felt bad and didn't want her to be barking for hours. we were gone for quite a while and when we got home we found out lucky has a sneaky side. she ate part of a boot, sunglasses, a lipstick, and anything she could get in her little mouth. we also found out lucky will eat and drink anything that is not nailed down. and that her little tummy will reject it at some point.
the following saturday night we took lucky for a walk around the complex. she had just done her business and all of a sudden she took off. mind you she was on a leash but somehow managed to get it off over her head, leaving me with the leash. true to form, i freak and run after her thinking my dog has run away from home. now behind me, totally clueless, was ace.
ace was picking up the poop while having an in depth conversation with his friend who was over. as i was running i literally tripped over my own tow feet. next thing i know i am about to fall down. so what does any normal person do as they are about to fall??? they do something to help break their fall. and i did. i used my left arm and fell straight on to it and broke my entire wrist. i was face down on the pavement. meanwhile ace was running to me having no clue what happen and said pal went after lucky but quickly ran back after ace screamed.
i am laying face down, dizzy and having no clue my self what was going on. i opened my eyes and there is lucky laying down in front of me licking my face with the look of "what's wrong? i am here. i never would leave you."
well, the boys got me up and upstairs, yes with lucky following, and sat me down. by this time i could talk and realized what was going on, and i realized i was in pain and bleeding. ace looked at me and said "holy crap, look at your nose i think it's broken!" i know he has a real romantic side, doesn't he? well then his friend said "dude forget the nose, look at her wrist!"
i looked down and at my wrist and realized i needed the nearest e.r and fast. well, ace is not from the "north shore" so he had no clue where to go, and i am trying to give directions, this is not an easy task as blood is running down your face, your wrist is throbbing, and ace is having a meltdown.
we pull into the e.r. and i am helped out by ace and his friend. this is where their mentality lies at this point: "dude, we might get arrested. they are going to think we beat her up."
ok, granted there was a security guard there, but let's get serious, do you really think that is what an underpaid, tiered, security guard is thinking at 2am???? hell no!!!
we get in and the nurse asks what happen and i tell her. this wonderful woman does not bat an eye. she looks at me and says, " do you need more ice, and can i help wash your face so we can tell where you are bleeding from" so where those two got the idea they could be arrested is beyond me.
the nice nurse tells the doctor what happen and he looks at me, we do the xray thing and result is one broken nose, 5 stitches inside my bottom lip (don't ask, i bite the inside of my lip) and a collapsed wrist and bones. i did a number on it.
after a few days, i get to see the orthpedic doctor. mr. ray of sunshine, tells me it's broken, (no kidding, i knew that and didn't need a degree) and i will need surgery.
ok now i am hopped up on pain killers, ace is still on meltdown mode, and no he does not do well with doctors, hospitals and the words surgery, and i hear surgery? did i hear that correctly?? i did.
3 days later i am having surgery. i have a metal rod and 4 screws attached to but it back together. does that part sounds familiar? yes, my puppy has a metal rod in her left paw too.
i won't bore you all with the rest of details. we now joke that lucky wanted mommy to be like her and have a metal rod in her left paw too. and like lucky, when it's really cold, it hurts.
also ace will tell you part of the reason i fell was that i was wearing 3 inch platform sandals.
note to self: flat shoes when walking lucky or any dog. preferably gym shoes. there is a dog walking shoe etiquette here and thanks, michelle, for telling me after the fact.
now 6 years later, lucky has grown into a beautiful, wonderful, loving, sneaky puppy. she is 7 1/2 and our best friend, only child and a constent source of entertainment. she has endured 3 moves, mommy sick for a long time, daddy's meltdowns, and mommy in the hospital. when i am sad, she sits next to me and cuddles. when i get sick, she stays by my side. and when she wants to play and play rough, she goes to daddy. she really is daddy's little girl too. when they play it is like having a dozen children running around. she has learned love. she also knows she is the baby. our baby girl. lucky is no longer scared of people or objects. for a dog who was scared of pillows and blankets, she gets very upset when you take hers away. she loves everyone and gets very excited to see people. she will bring you a toy to play with and you must play with her. and when people leave she brings another toy. this is her way of saying if i give you a toy you will stay and play with me, right???
you would think she never plays with us. trust me we play. that's how i broke a vase. playing ball in the house.
i think the best lucky puppy story is this.
lucky started sleeping with us in janurary when it was very cold out. she isn't a fan of cold weather. we all went to bed and she would snuggle up and fall asleep. i'm sure she doesn't want you guys to know this, but she snores and very loudly. she would sleep for a bit then get up and take over the couch or go to her room, or her chair or her cornor. yeah she has a lot of sleep places. we would never hear her leave.
this one night she snuggled in and ace fell asleep and i was trying too. i guess she thought we were sleeping so she was about to leave, and turned around. i felt the movement and opend my eyes to see what she was doing. i saw her go to ace and lick his face. then she turned to me and did the same thing. lucky kissed us good night and then went to sleep on the couch.
this is a puppy who is very loved and shows love back. <3
scroll down to the bottom and see.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
my rocks
there are 3 people in my life that i love more than words can say and have been my rocks. the ones who have been there for me through everything. the ones who always still love me no matter what stupid thing i say or do. they never bansh me from their lives and never get the credit they deserve.
not that this is in any special order. first is my mom. this lady had been through so much in life and still keeps fighting. i have put my mom through hell since birth. she has taken so much abuse from me that why she still talks to me is amazing. mom's love and law. she has been there for every time i got in trouble, loaned me money, lots of sickness, boyfriends, breakups, deaths, jobs, name it, mom was there. got to love this woman. and i do very much!!!
my mom was a stay at home mom for a while and then went back to work. leaving me alone with my sister. maybe not the smartest idea, but who could afford a sitter? reason why she needed to work in the first place. face it, expenses went up in life and 2 little girls need things. dad worked too. a lot. for as long as i can remember he had 2 jobs. so that left my sister and i alone alot. but when needed, mom was there.
my sister. the next rock. my sister is the strongest of us all. she is very down to earth. thinks sensible, don't sweat the small stuff, holds her temper better than me, and after every rotten thing i ever did or said to her, she still stands by me. sometimes you have to ask why???
but she does.
the first memory i have with my sister, was the day she was born. my mom went into labor and i got shipped off to the grandparents. this is also the first of many traumas in life.
having spent day and night with my parents for, as we have both been told our wholes lives, for 2 years and 10 months to the day, you can see where some problems would occur.
i remember the day she was brought home. we got into my grandfather's car an i remember wanting to hold her. in those days car seats were not mandatory like today. my mom put her n my lap and after a few minutes i decided my sister was too heavy to hold. so mom took her back and home we went.
after a few minutes my parents got my sister settled in her new crib, or i should say my old crib and off to dreamland she went. i thought then we would go back to our little family routine but my grandparents had a different plan. their plan was to take me to lunch so my parents could relax and unpack. my plan was to stay put. when i was told i had to go with them for a few hours i freaked out and refused to leave mommy's side. my grandfather the master or bribes, said he would take me to lunch if i went. like that was going to work. nope, the crying continued. then he said if i go with and stop crying, we could go to the toy store and he would buy me whatever i wanted. i was out the door!! i remember coming home with a little stroller and baby doll. i think i even tried to put my sister in there so i could push her in it. when she would cry at night i would climb in the crib and sit with her.
she is the best. i have done a lot of terrible things to her growing up. but still whenever i needed her, she was there. as we have gotten older we have become better friends and closer. fights are now very few.
when i first found out i was sick she was the first person i told. just talking to her brought me comfort. i could have never gotten through my many surgeries with out her. my sister is the best and if she ever reads this too, she now has it in writing!!!
my husband. after 4 years of marriage i still can't believe those words. how we met and got together is defiantly another story. when we got engaged, we found out i had ms. neither one of us thought twice about it. ok well i didn't. he was on my case to get on meds for it. but i had decided to wait until after the wedding and the move. soon after we got home from our honeymoon, i got very sick. weird pain that came and went. weight loss. name it i was having it. for everytime i was sick he was there. doing whatever he could to be supportive. he never showed me how scared he was. spike ( goes with the how i met him story) did not come from a "professional hospital family" like i did. in our family when a loved one was in the hospital you went, you visit, you took a shift and parked it in that tiny crapped room.
so spike had no idea how to deal with this. but he never let on he was scared. he would do whatever he could to be supportive, loving and helpful. he was put through alot for the first 2 years. 2 surgeries and a miscarriage. some men would have given up, but not him. but he didn't. he fought with me and for me every step. and if anything he loved me more.
without the love and support from all of them, i think i would have given up myself. families and marriages are full time jobs that you have to work on or they don't work. the pay sucks, hours are long but the fullfillment is the best.
not that this is in any special order. first is my mom. this lady had been through so much in life and still keeps fighting. i have put my mom through hell since birth. she has taken so much abuse from me that why she still talks to me is amazing. mom's love and law. she has been there for every time i got in trouble, loaned me money, lots of sickness, boyfriends, breakups, deaths, jobs, name it, mom was there. got to love this woman. and i do very much!!!
my mom was a stay at home mom for a while and then went back to work. leaving me alone with my sister. maybe not the smartest idea, but who could afford a sitter? reason why she needed to work in the first place. face it, expenses went up in life and 2 little girls need things. dad worked too. a lot. for as long as i can remember he had 2 jobs. so that left my sister and i alone alot. but when needed, mom was there.
my sister. the next rock. my sister is the strongest of us all. she is very down to earth. thinks sensible, don't sweat the small stuff, holds her temper better than me, and after every rotten thing i ever did or said to her, she still stands by me. sometimes you have to ask why???
but she does.
the first memory i have with my sister, was the day she was born. my mom went into labor and i got shipped off to the grandparents. this is also the first of many traumas in life.
having spent day and night with my parents for, as we have both been told our wholes lives, for 2 years and 10 months to the day, you can see where some problems would occur.
i remember the day she was brought home. we got into my grandfather's car an i remember wanting to hold her. in those days car seats were not mandatory like today. my mom put her n my lap and after a few minutes i decided my sister was too heavy to hold. so mom took her back and home we went.
after a few minutes my parents got my sister settled in her new crib, or i should say my old crib and off to dreamland she went. i thought then we would go back to our little family routine but my grandparents had a different plan. their plan was to take me to lunch so my parents could relax and unpack. my plan was to stay put. when i was told i had to go with them for a few hours i freaked out and refused to leave mommy's side. my grandfather the master or bribes, said he would take me to lunch if i went. like that was going to work. nope, the crying continued. then he said if i go with and stop crying, we could go to the toy store and he would buy me whatever i wanted. i was out the door!! i remember coming home with a little stroller and baby doll. i think i even tried to put my sister in there so i could push her in it. when she would cry at night i would climb in the crib and sit with her.
she is the best. i have done a lot of terrible things to her growing up. but still whenever i needed her, she was there. as we have gotten older we have become better friends and closer. fights are now very few.
when i first found out i was sick she was the first person i told. just talking to her brought me comfort. i could have never gotten through my many surgeries with out her. my sister is the best and if she ever reads this too, she now has it in writing!!!
my husband. after 4 years of marriage i still can't believe those words. how we met and got together is defiantly another story. when we got engaged, we found out i had ms. neither one of us thought twice about it. ok well i didn't. he was on my case to get on meds for it. but i had decided to wait until after the wedding and the move. soon after we got home from our honeymoon, i got very sick. weird pain that came and went. weight loss. name it i was having it. for everytime i was sick he was there. doing whatever he could to be supportive. he never showed me how scared he was. spike ( goes with the how i met him story) did not come from a "professional hospital family" like i did. in our family when a loved one was in the hospital you went, you visit, you took a shift and parked it in that tiny crapped room.
so spike had no idea how to deal with this. but he never let on he was scared. he would do whatever he could to be supportive, loving and helpful. he was put through alot for the first 2 years. 2 surgeries and a miscarriage. some men would have given up, but not him. but he didn't. he fought with me and for me every step. and if anything he loved me more.
without the love and support from all of them, i think i would have given up myself. families and marriages are full time jobs that you have to work on or they don't work. the pay sucks, hours are long but the fullfillment is the best.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
vices today vs yesterday
like most people, we all have a vice. some call it a bad habit, some call it a way of life and some just need something to get through the day. and like most people i have it all.
a vice, bad habit (ok lots of them), and i need something to get me through the day.
i live on coffee, pepsi, cigarettes, xanx, and some times chocolate. i know great diet.
the coffee started at 15, and has not stopped since. pepsi was always in my house growing up so i continued the tradition.
as for the cigarettes, well, that started at a very young age. and children reading this i say this : DO NOT START, DO NOT PICK ONE UP, DO NOT GIVE IN TO YOUR FRIENDS AND START SMOKING.
i wish every day i never started. my older cousin and cousin in law were smokers. my grandfather smoked cigars, my dad smoked a pipe and various other members of my family smoked too. granted a lot of the family stopped. but my cousin had not and i spent many family dinners with a ashtray in front of me.
when i was about 12 my grandfather passed away. we sat shiva at my grandmothers, jewish tradition when a family member dies, and well my cousin left his cigarettes out and i took the pack. i can still remember this as clear as if it was just a second ago. i grabbed other cousin who was my age and we went for a walk and lit up. where she got sick, i did not and continued with a habit that i have yet to get rid of. trust me i try to quit. i try once a month. and within a few days i start all over again.
back in the day when mothers were pregnant and we are talking 40 years plus ago, there was nothing about the surgeon general warning mothers not to smoke or anyone else for that matter. there were no warning on alcohol or cigarettes that it could be harmful to you or your child. doctors gave out drugs like candy. now if you see anyone smoking child services are at your door before you give birth, drinking automatically labels you for an A.A meeting and any drug not FDA approved gets you in the slammer for a few days to a year.
my drinking was never cause for a lot of concern, but starting at 9 1/2 is a little over the top.
it started at my cousin's wedding. the groom, same guy who left the smokes out, was making the rounds thanking everyone for coming and he was caring his ever present glass of scotch.
well i asked for a sip and proceeded to drink every last drop before he could stop me. no beer for this girl, i went for the hard stuff and then i proceeded to make the rounds in search of more. i found grandpa with his champagne, dad with a screwdriver, someone else with a rum and coke and finally another glass of scotch. note to anyone DO NOT MIX LIKE THAT!!
i was drunk and i mean really drunk. i had no clue what was going on. all i knew was that i was going to be sick any second. and i was. thankfully my mom, being too concerned that i was sick, did not notice the smell of alcohol on my breath. she just got me into the nearest ladies room and held me while i emptied the contents of my stomach. then of course came the first hangover. in the family picture we too at the end of the night, you could tell i was sick. drunk, no, just sick.
you would think that experience would have stopped me. no. for the next few years long before the legal drinking age of 21, i would sneak a drink. the worst part of this was the fact that i gave my baby cousin scotch too. i was babysitting for the same cousins that got married. the little one was only a few months old and teething. her father had said there was stuff in the bar and wine in the fridge and to help my self. i did. and that night the baby and i were both on the bottle. this is something to this day i feel bad about. and yeah we make jokes about what i did. but it still does not change the fact that i gave an innocent baby who was in pain from cutting teeth a few drops of scotch in her bottle.
if D.C.F.S ever read this i am sure i would be carted away in handcuffs.
i was 15 years old when this happened.
for years after that, my girlfriends and i would get drunk or buzzed on the weekends. we would lie and say we were going to some one's house and ended up in some hotel room drinking or bribing the bouncer downtown to let us in. by that time the law did change to 21 but being the master of deceit i was, i could make the best fake id's. no bouncer ever questioned us. that and slipping him/her a $20 helped too. so we would drink and of course drive home. yeah stupid and dangerous and something i do not recommend. and somehow by the grace of god never get killed or kill someone else.
back then we did not have a law about drinking and driving. that came many years later. when the law was passed it was not as tough as it is now. then it was a fine. pay it, do time in traffic school and bye bye have a nice day. now it's pay a fine, loose the driver's license, do time in jail and of course take some classes.
and of course i did the same thing to my younger cousins. i would help encourage this. they would ask for a sip and i gave them one. they would ask me to buy them a drink, and i did.
how my younger cousins grew up to be the wonderful, smart adults they are today has nothing to do with me. the only thing i can take credit for is that i stopped babysitting and left them to their parents.
so you see how times have changed. would i do any of this today? would i even think about doing any of this to my nephew? hell no!!!! i want him to realize that (if he ever reads this) be smarter than your aunt. learn from the mistakes i have made. if you can do it even a little better than me, you have won the battle. and for the record i do not drink hardly anything anymore. yes i still have coffee, but the rest, due to what this did to my health, not anymore.
a vice, bad habit (ok lots of them), and i need something to get me through the day.
i live on coffee, pepsi, cigarettes, xanx, and some times chocolate. i know great diet.
the coffee started at 15, and has not stopped since. pepsi was always in my house growing up so i continued the tradition.
as for the cigarettes, well, that started at a very young age. and children reading this i say this : DO NOT START, DO NOT PICK ONE UP, DO NOT GIVE IN TO YOUR FRIENDS AND START SMOKING.
i wish every day i never started. my older cousin and cousin in law were smokers. my grandfather smoked cigars, my dad smoked a pipe and various other members of my family smoked too. granted a lot of the family stopped. but my cousin had not and i spent many family dinners with a ashtray in front of me.
when i was about 12 my grandfather passed away. we sat shiva at my grandmothers, jewish tradition when a family member dies, and well my cousin left his cigarettes out and i took the pack. i can still remember this as clear as if it was just a second ago. i grabbed other cousin who was my age and we went for a walk and lit up. where she got sick, i did not and continued with a habit that i have yet to get rid of. trust me i try to quit. i try once a month. and within a few days i start all over again.
back in the day when mothers were pregnant and we are talking 40 years plus ago, there was nothing about the surgeon general warning mothers not to smoke or anyone else for that matter. there were no warning on alcohol or cigarettes that it could be harmful to you or your child. doctors gave out drugs like candy. now if you see anyone smoking child services are at your door before you give birth, drinking automatically labels you for an A.A meeting and any drug not FDA approved gets you in the slammer for a few days to a year.
my drinking was never cause for a lot of concern, but starting at 9 1/2 is a little over the top.
it started at my cousin's wedding. the groom, same guy who left the smokes out, was making the rounds thanking everyone for coming and he was caring his ever present glass of scotch.
well i asked for a sip and proceeded to drink every last drop before he could stop me. no beer for this girl, i went for the hard stuff and then i proceeded to make the rounds in search of more. i found grandpa with his champagne, dad with a screwdriver, someone else with a rum and coke and finally another glass of scotch. note to anyone DO NOT MIX LIKE THAT!!
i was drunk and i mean really drunk. i had no clue what was going on. all i knew was that i was going to be sick any second. and i was. thankfully my mom, being too concerned that i was sick, did not notice the smell of alcohol on my breath. she just got me into the nearest ladies room and held me while i emptied the contents of my stomach. then of course came the first hangover. in the family picture we too at the end of the night, you could tell i was sick. drunk, no, just sick.
you would think that experience would have stopped me. no. for the next few years long before the legal drinking age of 21, i would sneak a drink. the worst part of this was the fact that i gave my baby cousin scotch too. i was babysitting for the same cousins that got married. the little one was only a few months old and teething. her father had said there was stuff in the bar and wine in the fridge and to help my self. i did. and that night the baby and i were both on the bottle. this is something to this day i feel bad about. and yeah we make jokes about what i did. but it still does not change the fact that i gave an innocent baby who was in pain from cutting teeth a few drops of scotch in her bottle.
if D.C.F.S ever read this i am sure i would be carted away in handcuffs.
i was 15 years old when this happened.
for years after that, my girlfriends and i would get drunk or buzzed on the weekends. we would lie and say we were going to some one's house and ended up in some hotel room drinking or bribing the bouncer downtown to let us in. by that time the law did change to 21 but being the master of deceit i was, i could make the best fake id's. no bouncer ever questioned us. that and slipping him/her a $20 helped too. so we would drink and of course drive home. yeah stupid and dangerous and something i do not recommend. and somehow by the grace of god never get killed or kill someone else.
back then we did not have a law about drinking and driving. that came many years later. when the law was passed it was not as tough as it is now. then it was a fine. pay it, do time in traffic school and bye bye have a nice day. now it's pay a fine, loose the driver's license, do time in jail and of course take some classes.
and of course i did the same thing to my younger cousins. i would help encourage this. they would ask for a sip and i gave them one. they would ask me to buy them a drink, and i did.
how my younger cousins grew up to be the wonderful, smart adults they are today has nothing to do with me. the only thing i can take credit for is that i stopped babysitting and left them to their parents.
so you see how times have changed. would i do any of this today? would i even think about doing any of this to my nephew? hell no!!!! i want him to realize that (if he ever reads this) be smarter than your aunt. learn from the mistakes i have made. if you can do it even a little better than me, you have won the battle. and for the record i do not drink hardly anything anymore. yes i still have coffee, but the rest, due to what this did to my health, not anymore.
Monday, July 27, 2009
the reason why
as i mentioned in the first two post, i started writing this because of a friend who wrote about her life and her quest to have a baby and for my nephew for read about his family.
i will warn everyone again, if you have a problem with reality, are perfect, and hate bad language, then i advise you not to read this. for those who like to hear and tell it like it is, read on and enjoy.
i guess i should start with some "why's" the why i am doing this, besides reasons already written, but because growing up we never really talked about illness of family problems until it was too late. i was a very lucky girl to have 2 wonderful sets of grandparents. my dad's dad died when i was 12 and my mom's dad died when i was in my 20's. i have both my grandmothers until i was in my early 30's. my nephew has only his grandmothers.
he will never get the joy of having grandfathers.
my dad died in 2004. most will tell you it was because of his health problems. i will forever know that he died from a broken heart. his mother died exactly, weird i know, 11 months before him. my dad never got over his father's death in 1982? i think. and then his mother's before him. i still ask why he had to die so young.he had just celebrated his 68th bday when he got really sick the night we celebrated and 2 days later he was in the hospital and next thing we knew, having surgery for a brain tumor. i still wonder to this day if my mom, sister and i made the right decision. i know mentally it was. still a gamble, but we hoped to buy a little more time. a week after surgery he pretty much went south. i think the last thing he said before he could not speak and slipped into his own personal coma, was happy anniversay to my mom. he knew what day it was. they had completed 37 years together.good and bad.
i still have gulit about that. i come from a "professional hospital" family. we visit, we send food, we take shifts, we were always there. i was at my dad's side when he was sick. and there with my mom and sister when he died. but the gulit is there. wishing i could have done more. this is why i say the real world can suck. the worst part is that my dad would never get to see his grandson. after having 2 daughters, he would have gotten a kick out of his grandson. his name sake.
as said dicussing health was like taboo or something. you know don't tell grandma this or no everything is fine. it wasn't until after my grandmother died that i learned my grandfather had seazures. this would have been nice to know a head of time. i want my nephew to know the family does have problems, mentally and health wise.
i have many health issues. chrons, ms, getting near 40 having what i call "40 timmers" or can't remember shit. oh don't worry we will discuss my health later on. but right now we are talking about the reason why my nephew is here.
they say 1 out of every 5 pregnet women will have a miscarriage, 1 out of that 4 will have trouble conceiving, and the remaining will have healthy babies. this is true. my sister and 3 coworkers had healthy babies, my friend have trouble conceiving but finally had her baby and will i guess you know who had the miscarriage. bingo! if you guessed me, you are correct.
i never thought of having kids. let's face it i know i would not be the best mom in the world. my kid would be the reason, detention was invented. but funny thing happend on the way to recovering from surgery, another blog some other time, i found out i was preggers. shocked was an understatment. now what is weird is my sister had also found out she was too.
now normally you don't say anything until past the 3 month mark. well, ace here could contain the joy and told everyone he could think of. personally i think dad invaded his body and that's why it felt the need to shout it out. i told my sister and she was quite. excited i know but hearing this word untter from my mouth was a surprise since i had once said i didn't want any.
my sister is my rock. she has been put though so much with me and still, for some strange reason, sticks by me.
the day i went to the doctor for the first check up was a day from hell. i had a major panic attrack and doc was running very late. yes i suffer from them too. just another thing on the crazy meter, and another blog. the rocket does her ob thing and looks at me and asked who told me i was pregnat. duh!!! let's see what will tell me this a crystal ball, i have e.s.p, maybe 4 home test or maybe it was a blood test from my doctor. take your pick. she the tells me, she doesn't see anything, but that i could have already miscarried, although you think i would have felt that, maybe in the process or there is a fasle test out there and my meds could have swung this test in the wrong direction. ok lady you got your medical degree from clown college or 2 box tops?
she takes my blood and says she will call to let me know. oh yeah now i can go back to work, wait this out and oh yeah how to you tell your husband this? i give him the news and yes he is now upset. great lady for sharing.
to try and take our minds off of this, we go out to dinner after work. doc called in the middle, did i mention the dr rocket had no sense of time?, of dinner. way to go dumbass not i have a dinner i can't eat. she tells me , preg- something, i can't spell let alone prononuce, is way down and i can't not carry a child. well dr rocket already tuned in so can we tell me something i can use here? she tell me it can happen at any time. get home and call my sister who just talked to me and helped making me feel better.
well sure enough by sunday night i am in pain, sick as a dog, unable to move and well you know what's happening. it wasn't until 5 am i finally said something to my husband. so off to the hospital we go. on the way i call my rock. she says she meet us there. i mean someone had to calm and ace sure wasn't nor was i. well funny thing my sister was preggers, i have no clue and find out that the right tube blew and i am filling up with blood and it's in the wrong direction. nothing new since no disease i have has normal symtoms. so my rock shows up and at some point calls her husband. now being on a morphine drip, i am sort of out of it but i realize that she had turned her back and was talking very quitely. note to self blog the morphine. well i go off to surgey, another one, and next thing i know i am missing a right tube and have cyst on the left overy and by the way it's a 50/5o chance that you can carry to term cause the p- hormone is too low. thanks dr rocket for making my day. the whole time my sister was with me she never mentioned what is happeing to her. got to love that girl. she spent the time comforting ace and keeping an eye on me.
it was a month later when i had this strange dream that she was having a baby and it was twins. she calls me and says she had something to tell me and don't be mad. i say your preggers. bing bing, i win the prize. she was and was scacred to tell me.
actually i was thrilled. yeah i did tell her the dream, which did creep her out a bit. and she said yes she was pregs when she was helping me. had i know this, trust me i would have never called her.
yes i was trilled happy and had to ask if it was twins. after the laughter died down she said no and was sure. well i had to ask.
that following march, on easter, and we are jewish, she had my nephew. and i realized why i couldn't have a baby. cause it was ment for her to give birth and to a boy so he can be named for dad.
and because ace is catholic and upset, we named our angel in heaven eliegh.
so this is the reason why.
i will warn everyone again, if you have a problem with reality, are perfect, and hate bad language, then i advise you not to read this. for those who like to hear and tell it like it is, read on and enjoy.
i guess i should start with some "why's" the why i am doing this, besides reasons already written, but because growing up we never really talked about illness of family problems until it was too late. i was a very lucky girl to have 2 wonderful sets of grandparents. my dad's dad died when i was 12 and my mom's dad died when i was in my 20's. i have both my grandmothers until i was in my early 30's. my nephew has only his grandmothers.
he will never get the joy of having grandfathers.
my dad died in 2004. most will tell you it was because of his health problems. i will forever know that he died from a broken heart. his mother died exactly, weird i know, 11 months before him. my dad never got over his father's death in 1982? i think. and then his mother's before him. i still ask why he had to die so young.he had just celebrated his 68th bday when he got really sick the night we celebrated and 2 days later he was in the hospital and next thing we knew, having surgery for a brain tumor. i still wonder to this day if my mom, sister and i made the right decision. i know mentally it was. still a gamble, but we hoped to buy a little more time. a week after surgery he pretty much went south. i think the last thing he said before he could not speak and slipped into his own personal coma, was happy anniversay to my mom. he knew what day it was. they had completed 37 years together.good and bad.
i still have gulit about that. i come from a "professional hospital" family. we visit, we send food, we take shifts, we were always there. i was at my dad's side when he was sick. and there with my mom and sister when he died. but the gulit is there. wishing i could have done more. this is why i say the real world can suck. the worst part is that my dad would never get to see his grandson. after having 2 daughters, he would have gotten a kick out of his grandson. his name sake.
as said dicussing health was like taboo or something. you know don't tell grandma this or no everything is fine. it wasn't until after my grandmother died that i learned my grandfather had seazures. this would have been nice to know a head of time. i want my nephew to know the family does have problems, mentally and health wise.
i have many health issues. chrons, ms, getting near 40 having what i call "40 timmers" or can't remember shit. oh don't worry we will discuss my health later on. but right now we are talking about the reason why my nephew is here.
they say 1 out of every 5 pregnet women will have a miscarriage, 1 out of that 4 will have trouble conceiving, and the remaining will have healthy babies. this is true. my sister and 3 coworkers had healthy babies, my friend have trouble conceiving but finally had her baby and will i guess you know who had the miscarriage. bingo! if you guessed me, you are correct.
i never thought of having kids. let's face it i know i would not be the best mom in the world. my kid would be the reason, detention was invented. but funny thing happend on the way to recovering from surgery, another blog some other time, i found out i was preggers. shocked was an understatment. now what is weird is my sister had also found out she was too.
now normally you don't say anything until past the 3 month mark. well, ace here could contain the joy and told everyone he could think of. personally i think dad invaded his body and that's why it felt the need to shout it out. i told my sister and she was quite. excited i know but hearing this word untter from my mouth was a surprise since i had once said i didn't want any.
my sister is my rock. she has been put though so much with me and still, for some strange reason, sticks by me.
the day i went to the doctor for the first check up was a day from hell. i had a major panic attrack and doc was running very late. yes i suffer from them too. just another thing on the crazy meter, and another blog. the rocket does her ob thing and looks at me and asked who told me i was pregnat. duh!!! let's see what will tell me this a crystal ball, i have e.s.p, maybe 4 home test or maybe it was a blood test from my doctor. take your pick. she the tells me, she doesn't see anything, but that i could have already miscarried, although you think i would have felt that, maybe in the process or there is a fasle test out there and my meds could have swung this test in the wrong direction. ok lady you got your medical degree from clown college or 2 box tops?
she takes my blood and says she will call to let me know. oh yeah now i can go back to work, wait this out and oh yeah how to you tell your husband this? i give him the news and yes he is now upset. great lady for sharing.
to try and take our minds off of this, we go out to dinner after work. doc called in the middle, did i mention the dr rocket had no sense of time?, of dinner. way to go dumbass not i have a dinner i can't eat. she tells me , preg- something, i can't spell let alone prononuce, is way down and i can't not carry a child. well dr rocket already tuned in so can we tell me something i can use here? she tell me it can happen at any time. get home and call my sister who just talked to me and helped making me feel better.
well sure enough by sunday night i am in pain, sick as a dog, unable to move and well you know what's happening. it wasn't until 5 am i finally said something to my husband. so off to the hospital we go. on the way i call my rock. she says she meet us there. i mean someone had to calm and ace sure wasn't nor was i. well funny thing my sister was preggers, i have no clue and find out that the right tube blew and i am filling up with blood and it's in the wrong direction. nothing new since no disease i have has normal symtoms. so my rock shows up and at some point calls her husband. now being on a morphine drip, i am sort of out of it but i realize that she had turned her back and was talking very quitely. note to self blog the morphine. well i go off to surgey, another one, and next thing i know i am missing a right tube and have cyst on the left overy and by the way it's a 50/5o chance that you can carry to term cause the p- hormone is too low. thanks dr rocket for making my day. the whole time my sister was with me she never mentioned what is happeing to her. got to love that girl. she spent the time comforting ace and keeping an eye on me.
it was a month later when i had this strange dream that she was having a baby and it was twins. she calls me and says she had something to tell me and don't be mad. i say your preggers. bing bing, i win the prize. she was and was scacred to tell me.
actually i was thrilled. yeah i did tell her the dream, which did creep her out a bit. and she said yes she was pregs when she was helping me. had i know this, trust me i would have never called her.
yes i was trilled happy and had to ask if it was twins. after the laughter died down she said no and was sure. well i had to ask.
that following march, on easter, and we are jewish, she had my nephew. and i realized why i couldn't have a baby. cause it was ment for her to give birth and to a boy so he can be named for dad.
and because ace is catholic and upset, we named our angel in heaven eliegh.
so this is the reason why.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
to vote or not vote yes?
well i still have a job. at least for another 3 weeks. i guess i should explaine this.
i work in a service department and my techs contract is up at the end of this month. yes they are union, lucky me. anyways, they have been going back and forth on this for a few weeks and threating a strike if they don't get want they want. like anyone gets what they want. i want a million dollars but do you see that happening?
well, they voted today and so far it's a yes that they like the new contract, a no on some issues. the "no" get voted on in 3 weeks unless they resolve it before that time.
you would think that fully knowing the time was coming that they would have started this out in say january!!! but noooooo. and they wonder why i call them princesses.
this is why i named this blog what i did. the real world does suck and i know that's a whinny thing to say but it's not all it's cracked up to be and where you learn the basics in school, it does not prepare you for living the life. what i am hoping that my wonderful sister will someday show this to my nephew so he can understand that life is a gift but also so fucking complicated.
i work in a service department and my techs contract is up at the end of this month. yes they are union, lucky me. anyways, they have been going back and forth on this for a few weeks and threating a strike if they don't get want they want. like anyone gets what they want. i want a million dollars but do you see that happening?
well, they voted today and so far it's a yes that they like the new contract, a no on some issues. the "no" get voted on in 3 weeks unless they resolve it before that time.
you would think that fully knowing the time was coming that they would have started this out in say january!!! but noooooo. and they wonder why i call them princesses.
this is why i named this blog what i did. the real world does suck and i know that's a whinny thing to say but it's not all it's cracked up to be and where you learn the basics in school, it does not prepare you for living the life. what i am hoping that my wonderful sister will someday show this to my nephew so he can understand that life is a gift but also so fucking complicated.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
first i am doing this because i saw a friend had started a blog. i didn't go looking, but i stumbled upon it while crusing the internet and i was hooked. just like she did.
i read every post she made, and i could not stop reading. i was hooked. somehow it got her through the rough times she was having.
so here i am. not really going through anything bad, unless you count the job i hate but am greatful for. i did promise myself, that if i still have a job monday morning i would only bitch a few times a day. remember i said a few.
right now my worry is sunday 7/26. this is the day my auto techs renew their contract.
the day they need to vote yes and get their asses back to work. not that they are the greatest in the land but hey, they are good guys.
i have been with these guys since girlfriends became wives, wives became mom's and child growing up. so yeah i long time running.
right now i am feeling a bit stresses over this even though everyone says it will be ok. yeah right who are kidding here? nothing is ever ok. something always happens. so excuse if i say horse shit. yeah there will be a lot of words here that shouldn't be but if you are reading then deal with it.
so that is the reason for this blog being started. now the challenge will be, will i be back and will anyone ever see this.
i read every post she made, and i could not stop reading. i was hooked. somehow it got her through the rough times she was having.
so here i am. not really going through anything bad, unless you count the job i hate but am greatful for. i did promise myself, that if i still have a job monday morning i would only bitch a few times a day. remember i said a few.
right now my worry is sunday 7/26. this is the day my auto techs renew their contract.
the day they need to vote yes and get their asses back to work. not that they are the greatest in the land but hey, they are good guys.
i have been with these guys since girlfriends became wives, wives became mom's and child growing up. so yeah i long time running.
right now i am feeling a bit stresses over this even though everyone says it will be ok. yeah right who are kidding here? nothing is ever ok. something always happens. so excuse if i say horse shit. yeah there will be a lot of words here that shouldn't be but if you are reading then deal with it.
so that is the reason for this blog being started. now the challenge will be, will i be back and will anyone ever see this.
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