when you get married you inherit a whole other family. and when you are a mixed marriage like i am it should help make the holidays easier, right? WRONG! for me it makes it worse.
first there is the problem of thanksgiving. now i know the simple solution would be for me to host it and invite both families. but since i do not like people in my house, nor do i like to cook and my sister in laws kids are hoodlums so that is not an option here. i remember the hell my mom went through when it came time for the holidays. she hated going to my grandparent's house for a friday night dinner let alone a holiday.
since my dad died we really didn't do a family dinner together. my sister would take my mom with her and end up at her mother in laws. thanksgiving of 2007 i was in the hospital and ace did not want to go to his parents alone. he went and stayed all of 5 minutes and went home.
the following year we were at my cousin marci's house. mainly because she wanted to do it, lenny, her hubby, is a great cook, and i was on the road to recovery. when we left marci's that night she said she wanted to host thanksgiving the following year because it would be my nephew's first one. so we went. not the best thanksgiving but a normal one as far as family is concerned. of course ace and my father's sister did have words as she had with everyone that night. when my mother in law had asked us about being with her, we had already committed to marci's. so we got the catholic guilt from her, so now here it comes again and now it's no choice, we go to his family.
it is a rare time when my family gets together for a holiday now. we all have are own lives and not everyone is in the same city let alone state. so when the offer comes up it becomes a fight sometimes with ace to be with my family. don't get me wrong, he likes my family, but i can tell that he rather be with his.
my family is different. when we get together anything goes. we have been know to have major drawn out battles over the smallest detail. it is an adventure that he is not use too.
we are a loud bunch and talk over everyone. his family does not do battle over who is passing the veggies and his mom will resort to the catholic in her to keep peace while his dad comes up with some corny joke. what is funny is with my family the children are quite and ask politely to leave the dinner table and help clear the table without being told too. we eat all our food, ask politely for seconds and never ever get loud. at my mother in laws my 2 nieces and my nephew are the opposite and hearing them makes me want to slap them silly. i know that is bad but they are out of control when they are there and really have no table manners.
maybe it is the times we live in because all the have a cell phone at the table or maybe they spend more time with my in laws then they do with their parents. however it amazes me that my 17 month old nephew has better table manners than 3 children who are 10, 13 and 15.
my sister decided to host the first night of rosh hannah, which is the jewish new year. i agreed to go because it is the jewish new year, there is no passover seder involved with mazoh, my sister is cooking, i get to see my nephew, and my father's sister will not be there.
always a plus since we do not all get along. when i told ace this he freaked and got all pissy.
of course that made me mad. hence the next of a thousand fights over family dinners.
i tried to calmly explain (something i am not really good at.) it would be after work and on a friday night which would be easier, and we would leave work early. (something i thought would be the clincher) well, he wasn't in the mood for logic and i wasn't in the mood for an attitude, so i finally screamed that he didn't have to go, i would go myself somehow, and next family dinner at his mother's house would be with out me.
while he went back upstairs to digest that one, i sat downstairs starting to write this. i sat there thinking that maybe i was too harsh, then i slapped myself for thinking that. i was not being unreasonable, for once i wanted to go to be with my family for one of my holidays. after several lame excuses to come downstairs, my darling husband finally asked if i was mad at him. yes sometimes he is a bit dense. i must have gave him the death look from hell because he started to shake a bit and said he would love to go to my sister's.
i may have won this battle, but there will never be a winner in the war between families and holidays. there has to be a compromise somewhere and a few threats. maybe one day i will host a holiday, if i ever learn to cook, make sure there is a disclaimer at the door so i do not get a arrested for killing people with my cooking, and have my head examined.
until that time comes we will do our best to bounce back and forth and hope for the best.
happy new year!
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
a little admendment to lucky
just wanted to add on something about lucky.
although she knows how loved she is, she has recently abandon some of her family time to stalking. she now sits on the top of the couch like a cat starring out the window at her new boyfriend. his name is bo and he is a 2 year old yellow lab. he has a older sister a black lab, maggie. lucky spends her time watching bo and maggie. they are her new best friends.
and in addition to watching them she spends many hours watching out the other window.
she is head of the neighborhood watch.
although she knows how loved she is, she has recently abandon some of her family time to stalking. she now sits on the top of the couch like a cat starring out the window at her new boyfriend. his name is bo and he is a 2 year old yellow lab. he has a older sister a black lab, maggie. lucky spends her time watching bo and maggie. they are her new best friends.
and in addition to watching them she spends many hours watching out the other window.
she is head of the neighborhood watch.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
HAPPILY EVER AFTER
once upon a time....
that is how all fairy tales start and often end with and they lived happily ever after. we are told these stories as little girls and we sit and have pretend weddings, thinking every boy we meet is "mr. right", doodle their name with ours in our school notebooks. we dream of the "perfect wedding" and the wonderful life that we heard in fairy tales, seen in movies and told to us by mommy and daddy.let's be honest here, it does not happen in the real world.
in the real world some people are nice, some stab you in the back and some only know the word "me".
these days dating and marriage are so complicated. in our parents day you got the ring, the marriage license, the house, married and moved in and had a life together. today you need 2 or more months salary for an engagement ring alone, a prenup so what yours is yours and his is his, the wedding planner, the aids test, and the next 30 years salary for the down payment on house you need big enough so the bill for the decorator is worth it.
when did getting married get so complicated?
we want it to be perfect like we were told as little girls, but nobody ever warned us that one day you could think you were having the perfect life and one day your spouse looks at you and says i want out. the perfect world is gone.
i have been married for 4 years and as much as i do love ace and he loves me, our life is far from perfect. some days it's down right weird. we fight over all the normal things, money, job, who is doing the dishes, and of course the fight that comes every sunday during football season. then there are the days we fight about nothing but bring up everything that has nothing to do with what we started screaming at each other to begin with.
i can honestly say i married the female version of my self. we both are passionate, want our own ways, we think alike (scary sometimes) and we have a very mixed marriage.
he is catholic, i am jewish, he likes so leave everything all over the house, i am the neat freak, he likes to shout and i do not want any noise, he is the republican, i the democrat,
he is a white sox fan, me, the cubs. you can see where the fight can happen.
this is something fairy tales forget about. sure we compromise, but it takes alot and you have to be willing to work it everyday.
there is no happy ever after. marriage is a consent work in progress. when you take those vows you take them for life. i come from a family, mostly my dad's side, that has a long line of divorces. because of this i try to keep the marriage working because i do not want to follow in my family's foot steps. will i have the perfect marriage, no, but i can at least strive for a good one. it's a more realistic choice in life.
that is how all fairy tales start and often end with and they lived happily ever after. we are told these stories as little girls and we sit and have pretend weddings, thinking every boy we meet is "mr. right", doodle their name with ours in our school notebooks. we dream of the "perfect wedding" and the wonderful life that we heard in fairy tales, seen in movies and told to us by mommy and daddy.let's be honest here, it does not happen in the real world.
in the real world some people are nice, some stab you in the back and some only know the word "me".
these days dating and marriage are so complicated. in our parents day you got the ring, the marriage license, the house, married and moved in and had a life together. today you need 2 or more months salary for an engagement ring alone, a prenup so what yours is yours and his is his, the wedding planner, the aids test, and the next 30 years salary for the down payment on house you need big enough so the bill for the decorator is worth it.
when did getting married get so complicated?
we want it to be perfect like we were told as little girls, but nobody ever warned us that one day you could think you were having the perfect life and one day your spouse looks at you and says i want out. the perfect world is gone.
i have been married for 4 years and as much as i do love ace and he loves me, our life is far from perfect. some days it's down right weird. we fight over all the normal things, money, job, who is doing the dishes, and of course the fight that comes every sunday during football season. then there are the days we fight about nothing but bring up everything that has nothing to do with what we started screaming at each other to begin with.
i can honestly say i married the female version of my self. we both are passionate, want our own ways, we think alike (scary sometimes) and we have a very mixed marriage.
he is catholic, i am jewish, he likes so leave everything all over the house, i am the neat freak, he likes to shout and i do not want any noise, he is the republican, i the democrat,
he is a white sox fan, me, the cubs. you can see where the fight can happen.
this is something fairy tales forget about. sure we compromise, but it takes alot and you have to be willing to work it everyday.
there is no happy ever after. marriage is a consent work in progress. when you take those vows you take them for life. i come from a family, mostly my dad's side, that has a long line of divorces. because of this i try to keep the marriage working because i do not want to follow in my family's foot steps. will i have the perfect marriage, no, but i can at least strive for a good one. it's a more realistic choice in life.
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